Ridiculousness of Online Dating

I wanted to share some of the more ridiculous interactions that I've had via OKCupid. I've had my profile on there since January or so. Not much useful has come of it. Pretty much all of these are from people who contacted me first. Most did not receive return correspondence. Also, I'm not going to bother putting [sic] on the end of all of these. They are quoted as sent to me.


From a guy whose profile features an out-of-focus headshot, wearing a Lakers cap:
                  hi hey whats up cute pic how are you doing to night.

From someone who also "no longer has an account" and apparently was unwilling to state what, exactly, he thought made us such a compelling match
                 you have the prettiest smile and i love your profile and i think we have a lot in common and love and talk and get to know you better. 

From someone who tried to make a case about why we would be a good match, this is an excerpt
                  I Day dream about stuff like " what if i had the power to turn everything into candy... " or " what if i could win at everything forever? "


From someone with a profile picture of only his abdominals
                  cute pics doc :)  (NB: my screen name is Doctor Atreides)
                  me: Thank you for validating my existence.
                  i hope i did more than validate it, lol

From Ignacio
                  hi my name is Ignacio
As someone I told about that one responded, "Doesn't that make you want to know more!" No, no it doesn't.

From someone who may have a weak command of the language
                  hi i saw your profile and it's nice and very nice pics of ya 


From someone with an odd vetting process
message title: You kindle reading faggot
message content: I ride a unicycle, btw.  
my response: I'm glad to hear that you ride a unicycle, but I have to say that introducing this message with "You kindle reading faggot" is perhaps not your strongest opening move. .
him: Kindle reading nigger?
me: Hey guy, don't talk to me.
him: You're a 92% match, I had to gauge your sense of humor.

I guess I failed that test.

From someone who wants to read the Holy Quran in its original language
                  Hey how are u? I read ur profile, and u have a lot going on I respect that.. the thing that caught my eye is u kno arabic Bcuz I need to learn it so I can read the Holy Quran in its original language.. if u can help me or would like to get to kno me better go ahead and respond an we'll take it from there.. 


From someone who uses hyperbole
                  hi most sexyy girll l have ever seen


From someone who also thinks I'm attractive
                  U are so cute.
                  Are u down to chat?

 And finally my personal favorite,
From someone who  "no longer has an account"
                  What should i do to make you crazy about me ?

On OkCupid

I signed up for OkCupid about a month ago now and I'm still not exactly sure what I'd like to get from it. Definitely would like to make some new friends, I suppose. A common question seems to be "what are you looking for?" and I've had a couple of dudes ask me that now. Most of these dudes are pretty dissatisfied with "Probably just friends for the moment and then seeing how things go."

So, some anecdotes:

• I had one guy talking to me for a week or two, who has not talked to me since I told him he needed to chill out and slow down. I don't feel that committed to someone after talking to them for a week via the internet.
• In a similar trope, a guy who lives over 100 miles away was like "Hey, we should get together," and then when I pointed out that we lived kind of far he was like "I'll have to plan a weekend trip." We had been chatting for less than an hour. Slow down!
• The best conversation so far has been a message from a guy saying "I see you speak languages. I'm writing a novel with people speaking said languages. Can I ask you for translations?" Naturally, I replied that one typically charges for such service. He wrote me back to ask for my rates. I did not anticipate getting freelance translation jobs from OKCupid, but I'll take it.
• I have talked to a couple cool, sane-seeming people, as well, but the intense, potentially crazy people are definitely more assertive.
• Also, it's kind of awkward when someone is like "you're sexy and you have nice curves" when they've only seen a couple of pictures of you on the internet. I feel like that's not something you want to lead with, maybe save it for meeting in person.

In conclusion, mixed feelings so far, but at least it's entertaining.

In which technology is buggy

Since I've started biking around town (I've ridden 17 miles/27 kilometers this week!), I've been using a handy android (and other platforms) app called RunKeeper. It's great--when it works right. I'd say it's been working for me between 50-65% of the time. The other times, it gives me hilarious results. For example, this happened when I was riding from my house to the University, about 2.5 miles.

 What's truly hilarious about this to me, is not so much that I rode from Salinas to Palm Springs in under 20 minutes, but that I only used 117 calories doing so. I should find a way to market myself as a "green" energy source and get "energy star" certified. Damn.

The good thing about this app is that when I get home, I can get on the website and edit it to show what I actually rode, which was rather less impressive, but still worthwhile.

Unrelated to cycling, but I didn't want to make a new post for it. I was idling the OKCupid chat, then this happened.
Anonymous Asshole: hi sexy

Me: that's no way to start a conversation

Anonymous Asshole: Uh yes it is. I said hi and think your sexy. Nothing wrong with that unless there is something seriously wrong with you

Me: well, you better call a psychiatrist for me then because I think that's a bullshit way to start a conversation

Anonymous Asshole: Dumbass 

And then I blocked him. Obviously, I'm the dumbass in that situation. I laughed and laughed.