On roving memorials

There is an odd trend that I've noticed since being back in the so-called "Inland Empire." I'm not sure if it is because I am driving a lot more (as opposed to spacing out on public transit for my commutes) or because I have left the shores of heathen-ville, but I am seeing more and more cars with decals proclaiming their remembrance of deceased individuals. In case you haven't seen these things, here's a picture that I found that represents this trend.

Of course my perplexity here is with the living, not the dead. I do not understand the impetus to turn one's vehicle into some sort of roving memorial. It also brings up an issue of scope. What exactly is in loving memory of said dead person? The car itself? Why dedicate a car to a dead person? Did you build it specifically for them? I doubt it. I know this is a semantic question for the phrase "in memory of X" overall, and not just on cars. But when you put it on a car, that's what I think of. I do not think this is an unreasonable assessment. My second quandary is why one would want to be constantly reminded that someone you love has suffered, in many cases it seems to be untimely, death? How many times a day do you head out to the car? At least two, I would guess. I feel like it would be hard to cope to be constantly reminded.

To be frank, I suppose the heart of this issue is that our society is largely uncomfortable with the dead and dying. The dead are generally sent to cemeteries to be buried, where we may choose to visit them on our own schedules, rather than be jarred out of the business of day-to-day rigmarole to contemplate the ephemeral nature of life, perhaps acutely felt while driving.

Unfortunately, there is no way to broach this topic with society at large without sounding like an insensitive asshole.

On Death

Sometimes while letting the mind wander I am seized with thoughts about death. Since renouncing Mormonism, I have found it difficult to anticipate that there is anything after this life. No one recalls what happened before they were born. It's not that it was painful or lonely, just that it wasn't. In thinking, I must imagine that death feels (or non-feels) the same way. But sometimes it's just too sad to consider. The idea of continued life resonates with everyone, but I simply can't accept it.

So occasionally I'll get to thinking about it, mostly in the languid place of the mind when falling asleep, and it depresses me. Just thinking that everything I've done or will do will be gone. People I love will be gone. Everything I cared about, it just won't matter. On the one hand, this makes me want to enjoy what I have more, but it's just an unbearable thought to truly face up to one's mortality as such.

In the end, I suppose the heat death of the universe will ruin us all.

une passion morbide

One of the things I think about, living alone and all, is that if I died or something, who would know? how long until someone noticed? what if i got totally exploded in a bus accident or something and no one ever knew where i went. how would ian or my parents find out? I don't know why i think about these things.

Nearly all the vocabulary words in this new chapter of french seem s&m related. Words such as: authority, terrpr, toy, corporal, unyielding, fearsom, stick, punishment, temper tantrum, deprived, to chew, strange habit, to deal severly with, trashing, to trash, spanking, to spank, maniac, whip, to whip, to spoil, permissive, no messing around! and mania. I'm not making that up. That's about half of my new word list. At least I'll know what to say if I ever get into any...situations with odd French men.

There was more to say. Oh. I am sending my cat back to the shelter tomorrow becuase he is causing too much distress and sleep deprivation to me. I feel terrible about it, but i feel more terrible about not getting enough sleep becusae of the cat, so i hope someone more suited to take care of living things adopts him.