Monday, March 5, 2007
The Art of Noise Is Paranoid
At the risk of sounding emo . . .
I'm feeling unreasonably angsty at the moment and i'm not exactly sure what brought it on. I feel really sick of talking to everyone and the overconnectedness of the interblags (note to facebook: I DON'T CARE WHAT EVERYONE IS DOING ALL THE TIME), cell phone, AIM, skype, MSN, and on and on. Shut of skype and msn. not browsing the interblags. Initiating permanent away on AIM. Tired of talking to people. Tired of trying to help. I want to be out in the middle of the white desert or something. No one is around for a loooong way. Just you and a shitload of sky and sand. No internet. No phone. hear yourself breathe, think.
This may just be pre-finals stress. Paper due wednesday for sociology; insufficient evidence to support hypothesis, either 1) couldn't find it 2) doesn't exist. possibility of conducting my own research: none. Sociology is so useless. It's just terming things that the average intelligent person would conclude on his or her own. "When a group cuts ties with the outside and then receives criticism from the outgroup, group members develop what is called SIEGE MENTALITY." Well...yeah. Arabic final is on saturday. Moment of truth/redemption. alternately, moment of abysmal failure. Insha'allah, the first one. I know my shit, i just have to show that I know my shit and not get any weird ass other shit sprung on me. DO NOT ASK ME TO READ ABOUT EASTER FESTIVITIES IN ARABIC. Christ, that was stupid. Syntax quiz tomorrow. I don't even remember what the last thing we read about was. Fuck. Note to self: measure twice, cut once. Good advice. phonetiks i need to flawlessly know the IPA chat (mostly there already) and commit features to memory. Maybe some other peripheral studying, and some problem set due on monday. what the hell? Almost done.
But seriously, just feeling like i need to escape. Physical escape. Starting to feel that kind of situational claustrophobia thing that I get. The "what if i get stuck like this in this terrible permance looped for all time." wake up, shower, dress go to schoool, go to work, come home study sleep wake up study drees shower sleep school work and on on on on on. I thought this wouldn't happen here because I like it here and I like seattle and school really isn't so bad. Except I'm failing--separate topic. I think i just have a terrible terrible fear of staaaagnaaattioooooon. stagnation. stuck. Go up and down 15th ave on the bus everyday. Go home come back, it's a small loop that just keeps going.
I'll try to write in full sentences now....
I'm probably fine. But you can never be sure.
In reality, today I had a doctor's appointment and got birth control again. Last month I felt like I was bleeding to death and completely devoid of nutrients. This month I'm having PMS of from hell of death. like it just hurts and i hurt every where and i go die in bed for half hour stretches. Hopefully it builds character or something. pills curb this, hence the doctor's visit. I'm so glad that we have science.
Also, I ordered a birthday present for Ian today. Tried to study and continually got distracted by /b/ (it's motivational monday!). I need to write this sociology paper but it's just not working. I think I may cop-out and just write something easy. I hate writing boring papers, but time is short and i just don't care enough.
Time to escape back into my imagination. away away away...