Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Is This Bass Really Strong Enough?

I've been thinking more about what I believe in, my own personal paradigm of the universe. Lately I've been defining the cosmos in terms of what i don't believe. I don't believe in Mormonism, I don't believe in god, I don't believe that I have to get married and start making babies to fufill my life destiny or whatever. This has resulted in a vacuum of belief, which I've kind of just been filling with loud music in the meantime. Not a bad answer, but surely a temporary solution.

I really wish I had my copy of Siddhartha right now (I swear my dad took it. He swears he gave it back. It's only $6 i should just get a new one). I kind of feel like when he leaves his parents and all his traditions and goes to be an acetic. Obviously I'm not going that far (Yeah I fail, i know), but it's still cool to think about. I don't really know what I believe in yet, but I've at least been thinking about it. I also don't expect that I'll ever join any religion, but I think it is healthy to at least think about my views on things a bit more, even if I come to the conclusion that there is just no god and no universal force or anything. That would be fine, I just want to think about it more before I reach a conclusion.

So things I believe in so far: Love. Evolution.
That's seriously all I've come up with; it's not a long list. I was reading up on Buddhism today. I really like their Middle Way thing. The more I think about it, the more important I realize that balance is. There's also a concept called Indra's net, (Indra, pictured top left) which is shared with hindi theology, and it basically says that everything is connected, which I think I like. We are the blanket (for those of who you enjoy "I <3 Huckabees") I was considering the implications of that today in my copious free time at work (4 hours: two returns, a couple photo finishing things, 1 passport photos...yeah I was not busy) and I remembered talking about the interconnectedness of everthing in a fizix class once. I forget the techical term, but the example they used was that if a swarm of butterflies in China starts all flying around and flapping their little wings, if can effect global weather patterns, or really anything. I want to believe things that jive with what I "know" about the world and people. Not just random shit just because some demagogue says so. Obviously, this will take a while to sort out. I may never be satisfied, but I think that's okay.

Tangentially related: in Mormonism, the adolescent girls end up being asked to make lists about their "ideal husband" or whatever probably at least every six months from age 12-18. Maybe more than that. I remember that I would always put things like "unicylist" or when i was 16ish "wants to be an Egyptologist too." naive things. Not to underestimate the coolness of unicyclists and the sexual possibilities of hooking up with one, but that has nothing to do with a good relationship. I mean, I guess I was just trying to say "compatible" or "similar interest," but what's really important is someone who understands you. There aren't that many unicyclists, but compared to how many people really understand me, there's a metric ton. How often do you really meet someone who understands (my current answer: at least once)? Damn, I really had to make so many of those stupid lists. What the hell is with that?

edits: why is everything about god? I click a little facebook link and it's like "hey learn about relationships!" and i was like "well okay?" and this article is going along interestingly and out of no where it blindsides me with "god defines love as..." and I'm like "noooo, it was going so well."

1 comment:

  1. the butterfly effect.

    i've really been enjoying your musings on religious stuff. good on you for being brave.