Sunday, June 12, 2011

Ridiculousness of Online Dating

I wanted to share some of the more ridiculous interactions that I've had via OKCupid. I've had my profile on there since January or so. Not much useful has come of it. Pretty much all of these are from people who contacted me first. Most did not receive return correspondence. Also, I'm not going to bother putting [sic] on the end of all of these. They are quoted as sent to me.

From a guy whose profile features an out-of-focus headshot, wearing a Lakers cap:
                  hi hey whats up cute pic how are you doing to night.

From someone who also "no longer has an account" and apparently was unwilling to state what, exactly, he thought made us such a compelling match
                 you have the prettiest smile and i love your profile and i think we have a lot in common and love and talk and get to know you better. 

From someone who tried to make a case about why we would be a good match, this is an excerpt
                  I Day dream about stuff like " what if i had the power to turn everything into candy... " or " what if i could win at everything forever? "

From someone with a profile picture of only his abdominals
                  cute pics doc :)  (NB: my screen name is Doctor Atreides)
                  me: Thank you for validating my existence.
                  i hope i did more than validate it, lol

From Ignacio
                  hi my name is Ignacio
As someone I told about that one responded, "Doesn't that make you want to know more!" No, no it doesn't.

From someone who may have a weak command of the language
                  hi i saw your profile and it's nice and very nice pics of ya 

From someone with an odd vetting process
message title: You kindle reading faggot
message content: I ride a unicycle, btw.  
my response: I'm glad to hear that you ride a unicycle, but I have to say that introducing this message with "You kindle reading faggot" is perhaps not your strongest opening move. .
him: Kindle reading nigger?
me: Hey guy, don't talk to me.
him: You're a 92% match, I had to gauge your sense of humor.

I guess I failed that test.

From someone who wants to read the Holy Quran in its original language
                  Hey how are u? I read ur profile, and u have a lot going on I respect that.. the thing that caught my eye is u kno arabic Bcuz I need to learn it so I can read the Holy Quran in its original language.. if u can help me or would like to get to kno me better go ahead and respond an we'll take it from there.. 

From someone who uses hyperbole
                  hi most sexyy girll l have ever seen

From someone who also thinks I'm attractive
                  U are so cute.
                  Are u down to chat?

 And finally my personal favorite,
From someone who  "no longer has an account"
                  What should i do to make you crazy about me ?

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