Saturday, July 25, 2009

On Death

Sometimes while letting the mind wander I am seized with thoughts about death. Since renouncing Mormonism, I have found it difficult to anticipate that there is anything after this life. No one recalls what happened before they were born. It's not that it was painful or lonely, just that it wasn't. In thinking, I must imagine that death feels (or non-feels) the same way. But sometimes it's just too sad to consider. The idea of continued life resonates with everyone, but I simply can't accept it.

So occasionally I'll get to thinking about it, mostly in the languid place of the mind when falling asleep, and it depresses me. Just thinking that everything I've done or will do will be gone. People I love will be gone. Everything I cared about, it just won't matter. On the one hand, this makes me want to enjoy what I have more, but it's just an unbearable thought to truly face up to one's mortality as such.

In the end, I suppose the heat death of the universe will ruin us all.

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