Monday, March 3, 2008


It's too easy to get lost inside
to look inward
and to hide.

part 30 (or so) in a series on Lindsey's anti-social tendencies

At the cusp of a wave of introverted/anti-sociality. Except 'cusp of a wave' implies an immediate breaking point, which is likely not the case. It's different this time. I'm not depressed or unstable, just don't wanna talk. Cut myself off from instant message, never call anyone. I get coffee with Kira on a near-weekly basis and that's about it.

Perhaps this is not a move of an inherently anti-social nature rather a change in the medium. The last few years, my contact with people has been almost exclusively internet based. Maybe for fear of committment to people who I know I'll probably just fall out of touch with anyway. Maybe because I know that I can't will myself into social engagements on any kind of regular basis.

I'm plenty chatty with my coworkers, but I hardly talk to anyone at school. I chat a bit with the people in my arabic class. I don't like talking to people in linguistics because I assume they're all assholes based on the way they interact in class. I tend to have one person that I can be snarky with but the rest of them annoy the piss out of me. It's odd.

I felt anxious today and I didn't know why.

This discussion is always the same.

1 comment:

  1. I have waves - there will be periods of time during which I'm incredibly social, and then periods where I just take some time off from people to recharge. The best situation would be to manage it so that I never have to stop and recharge, but it's hard to reach that point.