tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31705556241560443382024-03-13T03:49:13.100-07:00Ten Thousand FlashcardsLilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.comBlogger147125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-33783804884086677232011-06-23T21:31:00.000-07:002011-06-23T21:31:31.440-07:00On too many job interview road trips.This is what 3-5 days of my week feel like lately. I am, at this point, after 15 or so interviews, entirely burned out. Sick of doing these things<br />
<ol><li>Pack. Pack interview clothes, clothes to wear while driving to avoid ruining interview clothes. Various diversions: netbook, mp3 player and headphones, kanji textbook, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mexican-Folk-Coloring-Dover-Books/dp/0486427501/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1308888762&sr=1-1">coloring books</a> if I think I'll have way too much downtime. Food, so I don't have to spend so much money. </li>
<li>Drive. At least 150 miles. Probably more like 400. Less, if I'm lucky, more if I'm not. Listen to the Book of Mormon soundtrack, Lady Gaga, the Spice Girls if I'm feeling really tired. Work on my <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kevin_Rowland">Kevin Rowland</a> impression for future kareoke moments.</li>
<li>Arrive somewhere. Usually the <a href="http://www.choicehotels.com/">same chain</a> of hotels. I've already earned a free night thanks to a summer promotion. I like to stay here because they always have wifi, usually pools. </li>
<li>Room. Bring my shit to my room. Put all the food in the fridge. Make sure the wifi is working. Lay around and try to shake off all that driving. Go swimming and do as many handstands as possible in the shallow part of the pool. Read books all night, or pass out immediately. Watch <a href="http://teamcoco.com/">Conan</a> if I think of it. Apparently, the only time I feel the need to watch "late night" shows is when I'm in a hotel. </li>
<li>Morning. Do some streching, try to practice handstands if there's enough wall space to lean on, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91-EqPzSiRA">put on makeup</a> because interviews are one of the few occasions when I feel like I'm really supposed to wear it. Still not sure if it actually is making a difference in making me look professional. Check out. Depending on what time the interview is, idle away some time at a Denny's. </li>
<li>Interview. Answer questions about my "educational background," try to remember that doesn't just mean where I went to school. Talk about the classroom management style that I don't really have yet, my <a href="http://www.jeopardy.com/">strengths</a> and weaknesses. The types of sports or activities I'd like to coach. I wish people didn't insist on asking me what sports I can teach. Apparently, most schools do NOT have varsity unicycling. Try not to be sarcastic. </li>
<li>Aftermath. Tell myself and others that the interview went well. In reality, have no idea because no matter what everyone just smiles at me. Not sure if that means my answers are good or my naivete is disarming. </li>
<li>Drive. again. As fast as possible.</li>
<li>Repeat 3-7 or be home. Feel guilty for not spending more time with the cats, buy them <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Da-Bird-Feather-Teaser/dp/B000F9JJJE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1308889842&sr=8-1">fancy feather toys</a> to compensate. </li>
</ol>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-43357017425448479052011-06-12T15:24:00.000-07:002011-06-12T15:24:22.493-07:00I'm just going to put this <a href="http://sassygaydoctorwho.tumblr.com/">right here</a> so I don't forget about it.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmdxcnjY5i1qkxdako1_400.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmdxcnjY5i1qkxdako1_400.png" width="320" /></a></div>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-44455621792583550872011-06-12T11:10:00.000-07:002011-06-12T11:13:23.689-07:00Ridiculousness of Online DatingI wanted to share some of the more ridiculous interactions that I've had via <a href="http://www.okcupid.com/home">OKCupid</a>. I've had my profile on there since January or so. Not much useful has come of it. Pretty much all of these are from people who contacted me first. Most did not receive return correspondence. Also, I'm not going to bother putting [sic] on the end of all of these. They are quoted as sent to me.<br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>From a guy whose profile features an out-of-focus headshot, wearing a Lakers cap</i>:<br />
hi hey whats up cute pic how are you doing to night.<br />
<br />
<i>From someone who also "no longer has an account" and apparently was unwilling to state what, exactly, he thought made us such a compelling match</i><br />
you have the prettiest smile and i love your profile and i think we have a lot in common and love and talk and get to know you better. <br />
<br />
<i>From someone who tried to make a case about why we would be a good match, this is an excerpt</i><br />
I Day dream about stuff like " what if i had the power to turn everything into candy... " or " what if i could win at everything forever? "<i> </i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>From someone with a profile picture of only his abdominals</i><br />
cute pics doc :) (NB: my screen name is Doctor Atreides)<br />
<i>me: </i>Thank you for validating my existence.<br />
<span class="missed_im ">i hope i did more than validate it, lol</span> <br />
<br />
<i>From Ignacio</i><br />
hi my name is Ignacio<br />
As someone I told about that one responded, "Doesn't that make you want to know more!" No, no it doesn't.<br />
<br />
<i>From someone who may have a weak command of the language</i><br />
hi i saw your profile and it's nice and very nice pics of ya <i></i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>From someone with an odd vetting process</i><br />
<b id="message_heading"><span style="font-weight: normal;">message title:</span><b> </b>You kindle reading faggot</b><br />
message content: I ride a unicycle, btw. <b id="message_heading"> </b><br />
<b id="message_heading" style="font-weight: normal;"><i>my response:</i><i> </i></b>I'm glad to hear that you ride a unicycle, but I have to say that introducing this message with "You kindle reading faggot" is perhaps not your strongest opening move. .<br />
<i>him: </i>Kindle reading nigger?<br />
<i>me: </i>Hey guy, don't talk to me.<br />
<i>him: </i>You're a 92% match, I had to gauge your sense of humor.<br />
<br />
I guess I failed that test.<br />
<br />
<i>From someone who wants to read the Holy Quran in its original language</i><br />
Hey how are u? I read ur profile, and u have a lot going on I respect that.. the thing that caught my eye is u kno arabic Bcuz I need to learn it so I can read the Holy Quran in its original language.. if u can help me or would like to get to kno me better go ahead and respond an we'll take it from there.. <br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>From someone who uses hyperbole</i><br />
<span class="missed_im ">hi most sexyy girll l have ever seen</span><i> </i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>From someone who also thinks I'm attractive</i><br />
<span class="missed_im "></span>U are so cute. <br />
<span class="missed_im "></span>Are u down to chat?<br />
<br />
<i> And finally my personal favorite, </i><br />
<i>From someone who "no longer has an account</i>"<br />
What should i do to make you crazy about me ? <br />
<br />
<i> </i>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-39174592840502317782011-06-12T10:51:00.000-07:002011-06-12T10:51:34.652-07:00California GeographyHaving now driven around quite a bit for job interviews, I am more familiar with California geography than I ever thought I would be, than I ever really wanted to be.<br />
<br />
My dad seems to know just about every route and alternate route and backroad in the state. I used to think that he was some kind of logistics savant (he may be that still), or something, but now I realize he knows so much because he has driven everywhere. Twice. For my most recent journey, I was driving to northern California (Willits, specifically) and I mentioned I was trying to beat the traffic on the 210 by leaving early. "You're not leaving early enough for that," he told me, "you should take the 138 to Lancaster..." what then followed was an extremely specific set of instructions, whose accuracy was, in fact, corroborated by Google maps. "This part of the 138 is called Pear Blossom Highway. It passes through some weird town, Little Rock, I think." I was not sure why he had so much information about the middle of the god damn desert, but I decided to roll with it.<br />
<a href="http://www.california-map.org/california-road-map.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://www.california-map.org/california-road-map.gif" width="368" /></a><br />
The thing about taking a back road, especially one that snakes through the desert, is that you're never sure it's going to work out until you get to the end of it. It just seems like you're driving into oblivion. Like if the world were flat you might drive off the side of it without noticing, scrub brush and the odd Joshua Tree seeing you off. But of course, this is what makes it a viable alternate route: there are no people. I know I'm not in the middle of nowhere on the 210 because it's so full of people. But then again, it's so full of people.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://transitionculture.org/wp-content/uploads/willitsgateway_01.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="156" src="http://transitionculture.org/wp-content/uploads/willitsgateway_01.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>So my job interview was in Willits this time. I drove up to Ukiah (about 25 miles south of Willits) and spent the night there on Thursday. Friday afternoon I had a lesson demonstration--for actual students on the last Friday of the school year. Nice--and interview. I didn't get out of town til around 4P.M., but I drove the whole day home that day anyway. Normally, when driving to that part of the state, one goes through Oakland, but I knew at that time of day it would be a bad idea. So, I decided to go via yet another less-traveled road. I took the 20, which links up the 101 and the 5, and I spent about 40 minutes driving right next to a giant lake, I looked it up later and found out that it's called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clear_Lake_%28California%29">Clear Lake</a>. <br />
<br />
I've applied to so many jobs, over 200 now, and most of the time, I don't even look up where they are, I just apply because I'm so desperate for work. So, driving through the state I'm seeing all these town names that I recognize for putting in applications. I found myself saying things like "Oh, so that's where Elk Grove is," on my drive back.<br />
<br />
I really hope I get a job soon because I can't keep experiencing geography at this rate.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-71062261534559886872011-05-25T18:44:00.000-07:002011-05-25T20:35:06.206-07:00Thoughts on things students ask me; an unofficial diagnosisAs it is probably known by readers of this blog (such as they are), I have a tattoo on my wrist. It's Arabic. It says "الحياة جميلة" and that translates to "Life is beautiful." This is an aspirational statement on my part. I acknowledge that life is not always beautiful, but I would like it to be and it's a good goal. It's good for me to keep in mind. The weird thing is that a surprising number of people, students/young people especially, ask me if it's my name. I don't know why anyone would tattoo themselves with their own name. In case you forget it? Preparing for traumatic brain injury and the possible amnesia that follows? Because your name is just so cool that you can think of no other words to eclipse its awesomeness? It's such a weird thing to ask. I really don't know why that's the go-to guess.<br />
<br />
Students and children at circus also ask my age fairly often, which doesn't bother me. However, there seems to be a class of people who, when I state that I am in my mid 20s, follow up with "Why aren't you married?" or an equivalent (do you have a boyfriend? don't you want to get married?). If I say that I'm not married sometimes they'll even go on to say "but don't you want kids?" I think this may just be a cultural divide, usually when I get this question it's from people who weren't born in the US or whose parents weren't, but I somewhat resent the expectation that at 25 I should be married and making some babies already!<br />
<br />
<b>An unofficial diagnosis.</b><br />
It was suggested to me that I have <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger%27s_syndrome">Asperger's syndrome</a> by someone whose opinion I value and I decided to look into it.<b> </b>For the uninitiated, Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder on the high functioning end of the spectrum. People with Asperger's (Aspies, as they seem to be affectionately called) experience distress and difficulty with socializing. They (we, I suppose) have strict routines and devotion to their own narrow interests. Most of the people diagnosed with this are men. The more intelligent you are, the less likely you are to be diagnosed. Apparently, most psychologists are not very good at spotting this unless they are experts in autism. <br />
<br />
Here is a list of traits for women with Asperger's.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="http://help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>I read this and sort of freaked out because I have essentially all of these traits. So then I bought three books about it, obviously. I won't go into the specifics, but reading about Asperger's has made me almost 100% certain that I have it. I felt weird about it at first. Somewhat relieved, but also distressed. A number of friends reminded me that I am still the same person and I appreciate their support with this. In the last month or so, I've been letting this simmer in my brain and I'm comfortable enough to make it public (such as 6 people reading my blog can be public) on the internet.<br />
<br />
I am somewhat on the fence about pursuing formal diagnosis. I'm pretty settled on this in my mind. Getting a diagnosis of Asperger's as an adult means finding a specialist. Inevitably, one's parents are interviewed, which is something I would like to avoid at this juncture (they're not really in the loop on this). Also, I'm worried taht with a diagnosis I might have trouble getting insurance because this would be counted as a pre-existing condition. <br />
<br />
I am feeling better about this now. As long-time readers may recall, I periodically feel like I'm going insane and I wonder what the hell is wrong with me and why I am not like other people. I feel that this explains it rather neatly. I am not a crazy person. I have Asperger's. I experience things differently. Knowing this helps me order things that have happened in my life and make some sense out of some of the bad parts. Some of the good parts also, I suppose. I feel like now I have a clearer idea of what makes me feel crazy and what I can do about it, which is really positive because I've never felt that way before.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-81421901599137510522011-05-16T21:09:00.000-07:002011-05-16T21:09:53.971-07:00In which I feel shallowConsidering that I'm kind of awkward in person, and I don't know where to find people anyway, I've been trying to meet interesting people on the internet. I've talked to a few interesting people, which is pretty alright. I want to meet friends or potential boyfriends. But it seems like whenever I talk to dudes from the internet, they are only interested in the more-than-friends part. So, that's downer number one, since I just want someone to chill out with.<br />
<br />
Secondly, I have become increasingly aware that I really am only attracted to skinny dudes. The downside of the internet is, depending on where you find people, you don't know what they look like right away. I really feel like an asshole when a guy seems cool, but then I'm just not attracted to him. I'd rather tell a guy I'm not attracted to him then drag it out, but I still kind of feel like a jerk. Like, if only I were less shallow, I wouldn't have these problems. I just like what I like though.<br />
<br />
The effect of this is not great on my self image. I'm starting to feel that if I want skinny dudes to be attracted to me, then I should be skinnier. This is totally the wrong reason to lose weight. I should be losing weight to be more bad ass, if anything.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-90400284360518114072011-04-22T22:07:00.000-07:002011-04-22T22:07:33.293-07:00Thoughts on Suburbia<style type="text/css">
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Today I was reminded of the profound oddness of seeing people on the streets of suburbia. Rather, the profound oddness of seeing certain types of people. Here are some types of people that one expects to see: women running in the morning, people walking dogs, parents walking children to school, teenagers with skateboards. I was driving to the store this evening and I saw a guy just standing on a corner. My initial reaction was to find it weird, then, of course, I remembered that it's totally normal to be on the street; it's a public space. I think that suburban people are only found on the streets to do something like run for exercise. They don't walk around as transit, They do not convene in public. Suburban affairs are conducted in doors. Past 7 o'clock or so, most of the people are in their houses, with no intention to leave.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Last week, I saw a couple of boys riding bikes around, with a van following them very slowly. It took me a moment of reflection to realize that driving the car, was the children's parent. Gods forbid one would actually ride a bike with one's children! It was difficult to fathom the depths of this man's ridiculousness. You can't even ride around a little bit with your kids? </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Fucking suburbia. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/A4a0xZMMlqE?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-10836183483699277632011-04-04T20:17:00.000-07:002011-04-04T20:17:02.000-07:00In which there are even more dinosaursBecause they make me chuckle, here are some more of my dinosaurs. Click for larger.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjuvRiAAgtgWKPKfnJH7EfgB2s0xoXBH5vybXiHHv2nX9iEOi3EJD-Mr4FlIzB0XlizyrSNwEpCziR0bCWkTi5Fe8rkq-SVSAVNXvh0Zebib83Auf3l8uD3hiBO_S8jyzDK7awXHONgvJ4/s1600/iguanodon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="327" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjuvRiAAgtgWKPKfnJH7EfgB2s0xoXBH5vybXiHHv2nX9iEOi3EJD-Mr4FlIzB0XlizyrSNwEpCziR0bCWkTi5Fe8rkq-SVSAVNXvh0Zebib83Auf3l8uD3hiBO_S8jyzDK7awXHONgvJ4/s400/iguanodon.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDjLOO3Dw8RNS3aCGv_T7cpfZvpFGEiinC2abUtdGwl-2REN2L8jjn_fMVQbuPft9Vd_omP4SDE2wXB5FY4fdg_58MY_NtdPOs11SYzC51aTpmUNU_h0kQ_9k-JFBcS2KliLIaDi8_14P6/s1600/triceratops.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="322" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDjLOO3Dw8RNS3aCGv_T7cpfZvpFGEiinC2abUtdGwl-2REN2L8jjn_fMVQbuPft9Vd_omP4SDE2wXB5FY4fdg_58MY_NtdPOs11SYzC51aTpmUNU_h0kQ_9k-JFBcS2KliLIaDi8_14P6/s400/triceratops.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-33732447408410581742011-04-01T15:22:00.000-07:002011-04-01T15:22:59.752-07:00My New HobbyMy master teacher has a super smart 7 year old daughter who is currently obsessed with dinosaurs. Yesterday, I was demonstrating my MS Paint wizardry to my master teacher, so I decided to use a dinosaur picture from the internet to explain how things are done. This resulted in an ankylosaurus with a painted on smiley face, which I saved and she later showed to her daughter. Her daughter thinks it's the best thing she's ever seen, so I started making more of them, both for her amusement and mine. Here are some I made today, presented for your consideration.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1itVv4JRDppN2RgpYGkHHnFjaZU7eRNJOXiTEI6OvO1Upe7LfGq_4El_x_3m7nPad8uNrc1pdZY9mZulxdA_kQ1dobgGxX9GYig8ks0YzgpnE0H6sIHgFuHZxIsFXItguHLSgrc59gKFf/s1600/diplodocus.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1itVv4JRDppN2RgpYGkHHnFjaZU7eRNJOXiTEI6OvO1Upe7LfGq_4El_x_3m7nPad8uNrc1pdZY9mZulxdA_kQ1dobgGxX9GYig8ks0YzgpnE0H6sIHgFuHZxIsFXItguHLSgrc59gKFf/s400/diplodocus.JPG" width="297" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikOqRyELAkbgi41gOkBlat6YlrmWgD4Xv8zPD1mGNZoq1l4i0YNj7fseRel-eeJSASXC2zrt9eWlshhECbF7iaNc2abEjwa3FmIpac5bLO_Hv1c2Hjf5k_qwBJ-5dbIVOk_SwCLQStarrw/s1600/apatosaurus.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="271" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikOqRyELAkbgi41gOkBlat6YlrmWgD4Xv8zPD1mGNZoq1l4i0YNj7fseRel-eeJSASXC2zrt9eWlshhECbF7iaNc2abEjwa3FmIpac5bLO_Hv1c2Hjf5k_qwBJ-5dbIVOk_SwCLQStarrw/s400/apatosaurus.JPG" width="400" /> </a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">In other topics, I had a girl from my high level ESL class today ask me if she sounded stupid; she told me to "be honest." We talked about it for a few minutes and I put it together that she is concerned that when she speaks in English, she doesn't sound as smart as she feels in her head. My immediate reaction was that's exactly how I feel when I speak Spanish. She asked me if she could do some non-classwork writing and have me look at it and read outloud and have me help with her pronunciation. I agreed of course, but then added the caveat that she has to do the same for me in Spanish. This should be awesome. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I made the mistake of mentioning the circus in 5th period today. Those kids went totally nuts over it. Lesson learned.</div>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-1707528344196892712011-03-31T18:39:00.000-07:002011-03-31T18:39:27.107-07:00In Which I Learn Things about Myself (also teaching)Thing the first: I don't think I can teach in a very low level class. I lack the ability to break things down beyond what I feel are their most basic components. There are only so many ways I can explain a thing and if you can't get it after that, I can't help you. This is tricky for me because, for many things, I pick them up without great difficulty. I can't make parts of speech any simpler than "types or categories of words." Just not gonna happen. My master teacher says that it's good to know this about oneself. This is why I'm not in elementary schools. I should probably teach AP classes.<br />
<br />
Related to this is the matter of vocabulary. I have spent a great amount of time cultivating my English vocabulary. I enjoy having just the right word for just the right situation. When working with ELD and low performing students, I can't use my full range of language because no one will know what the hell I'm talking about. In my first period, I was reading an essay about poetry slams to them and it had a bit that was the main point of poetry slam. I was describing this and the only words I could think of were "manifesto" and "creed." That's great except those words have zero meaning to these kids. It's frustrating.<br />
<br />
Thing the second: I am extremely hard on myself/I lack self-confidence. Also, I'm really stressed out about everything. Unfortunately, being aware of one's issues is not the equivalent of fixing or not having issues. Even my student teaching supervisor, who I've talked to all of four times, said that I'm being too hard on myself. Well, if I knew how to be easy, or just regular, on myself, I would do it. I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome">Impostor Syndrome</a>. Uhm, yay? I wish I had any idea how to deal with this. It's kind of fucking me up because I'm so unwilling to talk myself up that I'm botching employment opportunities. But I feel like I'm lying when I say I'm good at things, so it's really hard to know what to do.<br />
<br />
Thing the third: my master teacher has a 7 year old daughter who is really smart and I am kind of the adult version of her kid so we're kind of giving each other insights about that. My master teacher pointed out to me today that part of what messes me up is what when I'm faced with a choice, I see 400 options or courses of action, whereas a normal person sees maybe two. So I get overwhelmed, can't decide and sometimes go in a completely different direction. I do really well when someone narrows it down for me a little bit. I mentioned to her that I had no idea what I was doing in resume and cover letter writing, and she pointed me in the right direction and I was able to fix it immediately. But when there's too much choice, I am ruined.<br />
<br />
Otherwise I am really enjoying student teaching. I am feeling a bit less shy about it now so I am being more normal/goofy. I think I have a pretty good rapport with the kids, which is great. I've realized that my favorite teaching game is password (put a word on the board, a student in front of the board, and the other students have to get the first student to figure out the word). I also like putting the "confetti" text effects from MS Word on things because it amuses me (and also the students).<br />
<br />
I've been busting my ass to get a job. I think I've applied for like 70+ positions now. I hope I get something. I've also started applying for some non-teaching jobs. I want to work with information, either as a teacher, librarian or archivist of some sort. So, I've been looking up major university libraries and applying to some jobs there. Something will work out.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-17924797609549868262011-03-16T16:05:00.000-07:002011-03-16T16:05:57.635-07:00Things LearnedI have realized something about myself: I love it when I see a dude wearing goggles. It fucking makes my day. Additionally, if I see a picture of a dude wearing goggles on a dating website, I will send a message to said dude no matter where he lives.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-23837086375275147102011-03-06T09:07:00.000-08:002011-03-06T09:07:16.693-08:00More on student teaching experiencesI've now done a month of student teaching. I am not sure I have ever been this exhausted before. Student teaching on its own wouldn't be so bad, but then I have my student teaching seminar once a week, and circus every day. Essentially, I have no down time. I'm looking forward to spring break, even though I'm going to be working during it.<br />
<br />
It's interesting working with the lowest level ELD class. In that class, most of them are Spanish speakers, there's one guy who speaks Arabic and one guy who speaks Vietnamese. So I can communicate with everyone, except this Vietnamese kid. I keep saying things like "This weekend I'm going to start learning Vietnamese!" because it's frustrating for me not not be able to speak the other person's language when I'm trying to teach. I guess this is how my master teacher feels pretty much every day; I don't know how she does it. This Vietnamese kid came to class late in the year, so he knows even less English than the other guys in the class. This week, I brought in a really good picture dictionary that has English and Arabic words with each picture. I let him flip through it and point things out to me that he wanted to learn. From this, I learned that he likes chess, motorcross and boxing. The problem came in when he pointed to the Arabic transliteration listed with each picture, asked "what's this?" and then proceeded to try to pronounce the Arabic words of things. Which is dandy, except he barely knows any English, so the last thing he needs right now is Arabic vocabulary. I'm going to be so mad if that kid learns Arabic.<br />
<br />
One of my classes is for "long term" ELD students and this particular class is mostly for kids who need accommodations. About one-third of them have IEPs so the class is basically one big accommodation. This is interesting for me to teach, since I am not really familiar with the low end of the academic spectrum. There's one girl, in particular, who I keep noticing. I can tell she's trying, but she just can't quite make it happen. She gets this look on her face that's so sad when she gets things wrong. Normally, if you wanted to be smarter, my advice would be, "read everything all the time," but you can't say that to someone who has a 3rd-grade reading level (well, you can say it, but that would make you the asshole in this case).<br />
<br />
We started doing a whole-class SSR for this period. So, either my master teacher or I reads outloud for 10ish minutes, and then we ask the students to draw a picture of what they understood. They're actually pretty interested in the story, which I was surprised about. They all stay quiet. I've only heard one or two people complain that it's "stupid." Traditionally for SSR, students read on their own, but with this class that would be a total disaster. Probably none of them would bring something to read, so we would have to provide it, and then I'm sure they wouldn't get as much out of it as when we read outloud. This is something I want to incorporate into my class, when I start teaching on my own. Even if I'm teaching a first year language class, I think it would be beneficial. Students would be exposed to more vocabulary than just what they get from their textbook, they would see the language in action, in context sooner, and it would make reading in the target language accessible. My master teacher pointed out that the only problem with that plan is that I'd have to provide all the books myself. I pretty much collect books anyway, so I don't see that as much of a detriment.<br />
<br />
In other topics, I am finally going to go to Mexico! Despite spending most of my life in reasonable proximity to Mexico, I have never been there. In fact, I've never been to any Spanish-speaking country, which simply offends my sense of decency. Once student teaching is over, I'm going to Mexico City to sightsee and, as I put it to one friend, "look at museums and buy handicrafts." I'm super excited about it. Both my parents have told me that they will not stop worrying the whole time, since I'm going by myself. I told them too bad, since I'd already booked my tickets. It ends up being like a birthday present to myself and a celebration for being done with my credential, which is nice.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-88145298286512899192011-02-22T16:01:00.000-08:002011-02-22T16:01:23.677-08:00On Assessment; An Open LetterLast weekend, I wrote up lesson plans for my intermediate ELD class for the week and I sent them to my master teacher to review. I was kind of disappointed when she sent them back with a ton of corrections, but I was also really happy that she took the time to help me improve, too. Apparently a lot of master teachers are less helpful.<br />
<br />
I realized a couple things both about what I thought I knew and about how little I've learned from this credential program. Let's talk credential program first. This program taught me a lot of "strategies" for things to do in class. Graphic organizers! Pre-reading activities! Group work! but it really failed to link all of those concepts together into a cogent way. So, I was planning my lessons in terms of "we are going to do an activity. Then there will be another activity." It was all activities for their own sake. Activities are not an end in themselves, rather a means to an end. In the notes from my master teacher, she told me that I have to have measurable objectives and I have to measure them to make sure that the students actually learned something that day. I wish the credential classes had made this point more clearly. After thinking it over for a bit, it dawned on me that that's what all that crap we did at school was for. Activities are not just for the students to learn, but for you as the teacher to assess how they're doing at it.<br />
<br />
Today then, for example, they were learning vocabulary about natural disasters and how to identify and use foreshadowing. To assess if they learned anything, I had everyone write a two paragraph beginning of a story where they were supposed to foreshadow for the rest of the story. Then we played a game called "password," wherein one person doesn't know what the word is and the rest of the class has to describe it to them. From watching them play the game and from reading their essays, I have a pretty fair idea of what they understood today. They knew what all the disaster words were (floods, earthquakes, tornadoes), but they had a hard time describing it. The writing proved more interesting. I provided a model for them to go off of, but I did not realize how much they were going to take from the model. I wanted them to write about a time when either they experienced a disaster (my model was about trying to get home when it snowed and the buses stopped running) or just any story. Now that I think about it, there is absolutely nothing surprising about them adhering strongly to the model, but I didn't expect it at all.<br />
<br />
My lesson today went a lot better than the ones I did last week and I'm sure that it's because I had a much clearer idea of what I wanted the students to know at the end of class, rather than just "We are doing this chapter because we need to get through this book," which is a silly way to run class (I knew it was a silly way to run class, but I hadn't yet figured out an alternative). The frustrating part is that as soon as I improve one part, I realize that there were still other things that need improving. Unfortunately, this process is one of slow calibration to figure out what all needs to happen on any given day.<br />
<br />
And now, an open letter to everyone who uses juggling in metaphors and similes while talk to me:<br />
<br />
Dear everyone who uses juggling metaphors and similes while talking to me,<br />
<br />
I know you're trying to pick a topic that you think I will relate to. In a way, I appreciate that. It's a little better than the constant comparisons I hear between teaching and parenting at school. So, good effort. However, since I actually juggle and teach juggling, even, on a regular basis, it is difficult for me to consider juggling on the level of figurative language. Also, juggling does not work the way you imagine it does. Yes, I know that to you, juggling represents a lot of things going on at once, but it does not represent that for me. I can juggle and do other things at the same time. It doesn't take too much of my focus to juggle. Teaching is much scarier. And children are too heavy to juggle anyway.<br />
<br />
Best,<br />
LindseyLilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-75022657087425766582011-02-17T15:51:00.000-08:002011-02-17T15:51:34.647-08:00On OkCupidI signed up for <a href="http://www.okcupid.com/">OkCupid</a> about a month ago now and I'm still not exactly sure what I'd like to get from it. Definitely would like to make some new friends, I suppose. A common question seems to be "what are you looking for?" and I've had a couple of dudes ask me that now. Most of these dudes are pretty dissatisfied with "Probably just friends for the moment and then seeing how things go."<br />
<br />
So, some anecdotes:<br />
<br />
<ul><li>I had one guy talking to me for a week or two, who has not talked to me since I told him he needed to chill out and slow down. I don't feel that committed to someone after talking to them for a week via the internet.</li>
<li> In a similar trope, a guy who lives over 100 miles away was like "Hey, we should get together," and then when I pointed out that we lived kind of far he was like "I'll have to plan a weekend trip." We had been chatting for less than an hour. Slow down!</li>
<li>The best conversation so far has been a message from a guy saying "I see you speak languages. I'm writing a novel with people speaking said languages. Can I ask you for translations?" Naturally, I replied that one typically charges for such service. He wrote me back to ask for my rates. I did not anticipate getting freelance translation jobs from OKCupid, but I'll take it.</li>
<li>I have talked to a couple cool, sane-seeming people, as well, but the intense, potentially crazy people are definitely more assertive.</li>
<li>Also, it's kind of awkward when someone is like "you're sexy and you have nice curves" when they've only seen a couple of pictures of you on the internet. I feel like that's not something you want to lead with, maybe save it for meeting in person.</li>
</ul>In conclusion, mixed feelings so far, but at least it's entertaining.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-42159695744249394432011-02-13T12:46:00.000-08:002011-02-13T12:47:47.916-08:00In which student teaching beginsAs those of you on the facebook know, it has been a really good week; I started student teaching, I received passing scores on my Spanish CSETs and I got accepted to the <a href="http://www.csac.ca.gov/doc.asp?id=111">APLE grant</a>, which is a loan assumption program for up to $11,000 if I agree to teach foreign language classes in California for four years. <br />
<br />
Student teaching has been good so far. I think I'm really going to enjoy working with my master teacher because we have fairly similar attitudes and approaches to teaching. She's a really awesome teacher and I hope I can learn a lot from her. The classes I'm in are ELD (English Language Development, also known as ESL or English as a Second Language). I probably would have been student teaching for Spanish, but I didn't pass my CSETs early enough, but I did pass the English CSETs in November. It's actually pretty lucky to be teaching in ELD, something I'm actually interested in, rather than in a regular old English class. I'm pretty sure I would hate teaching regular English.<br />
<br />
I love working with the kids in the ELD classes, but it is hard. The hardest part right now is figuring out what proportion of foreign language to English to use (legally, 100% English, but whatever). Obviously, I don't speak every language, so this really applies only to our Spanish and Arabic speakers in my case. But considering that the lowest level class is more than half native Spanish speakers, this is coming up a lot for me. It's also difficult because different kids need or want different amounts of Spanish. I had one kid tell me, "I speak English, you know." Kid, I know you speak English, but you need to respond when I speak to you in English. Also, I really like to speak Spanish, so that makes it hard as well.<br />
<br />
It's also kind of weird student teaching at the high school that I graduated from because I'm working with a totally different class of kids. When I was in high school, I was in all AP/honors classes and I basically only interacted with the same. The ELD students are basically disenfranchised from most school things. The only AP classes any of them are allowed to take is AP Spanish or AP math classes. Technically, it's illegal to not even let ELD students try the tests, but the unfortunate part is that none of their parents are going to do anything about it since they're immigrants who don't speak much English themselves and they aren't familiar with the system. That's really depressing for me. The other thing I noticed during this week's rally is that the "big" organizations like student government and cheerleading are overwhelmingly blond. There were a couple of students from the ELD classes who performed in the rally; they were in the hip hop dance club. Again, super depressing to see these kids not being able to/not being welcome to participate in a lot of the other aspects of school life. The good news is that the ELD students really have a tight community. My master teacher leaves her class open at lunch and there are always 30 or more kids in there everyday and they're all really nice to each other.<br />
<br />
I'm still not sure if I will want to be an ELD teacher myself. I wouldn't be opposed to it necessarily, but rather I think it is just a huge time and emotional investment and I don't know that I could/would want to do that. Teaching Spanish or something seems a lot easier (not that I've ever taught a Spanish class). But I do think I'm really going to enjoy teaching ELD for student teaching.<br />
<br />
The other depressing aspect of ELD teaching is that my master teacher is, in theory supposed to keep to the same scope and sequence schedule as all the regular English classes. That is insane. Luckily, the principal at the school is sympathetic to the cause, since she is familiar with ELD teaching, so we aren't really expected to do it, but the idea is to keep along as much as possible. Essentially, the state expects magic from ELD teachers. <br />
<br />
In other things: I rode my bike to school four days this week. It doesn't even take that long: about 10 minutes including traffic lights, etc. It takes about 15 to get home since I have to ride uphill (wah womp). I've been trying to keep up on my Arabic studying (CSETs in May, ugh), but I think it's going to be difficult to maintain it what with circus and lesson planing and what I call my social life. I got a book of Nizar Qabbani poems, which is pretty awesome. They're short poems so it's basically like bite-sized pieces of Arabic that I can look at for a few minutes when I have some downtime. Whereas when I read a book or something, I need to know I have at least an hour or so to do it, otherwise I won't even get started. Apropos of nothing, my new favorite phrase is "Japanese bondage festive." The combination of the words (and I suppose surrounding context that will remain secret) just makes me chuckle. <br />
<br />
I think I'm going to try to blog at least once a week, in part so I can think about/share my thoughts on student teaching and because I don't think I have more time to blog than that.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-9247413160225185152011-02-05T15:38:00.000-08:002011-02-05T15:38:48.481-08:00In which study habits are again consideredI've been studying Arabic a lot lately because 1) it is great and 2) I am taking the <a href="http://www.cset.nesinc.com/index.asp">CSET</a> for <a href="http://www.cset.nesinc.com/CS_testguide_Arabicopener.asp">Arabic</a> in May. Making and keeping a study strategy is a constantly evolving process for me. Things that used to work don't work any more, I find a better way to do things, I get bored of other things, etc. Also, what worked for me for Spanish isn't necessarily going to be what works for me for Arabic. For example. it's a lot easier for me to pick up a book in Spanish and proclaim "We're doing this!" and get reading. Arabic intimidates me more and it's hard for me to want to read because it just makes me feel like there's so much I don't know and that it's impossible to know everything. Also, the dictionary work on Arabic is time consuming. It's easy to use something like <a href="http://www.wordreference.com/">Word Reference</a> for Spanish, but their Arabic dictionary is not very good, so I have to do it the analog way and actually use the dictionary. Arabic dictionaries are their own kind of special, but that's a topic for another time.<br />
<br />
The last few weeks, I'd been working on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Standard-Arabic-Advanced-James-Dickins/dp/0521635586/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1296948116&sr=8-1">Standard Arabic: An Advanced Course</a>. I like this book a lot, but it's hard to just plow through a textbook and anything will get boring if you do the same thing every day. The good of this book: it is mostly reading and it is arranged by topic. So one chapter was on Muslim Spain (my favorite) and they had a short introduction in English, then a series of paragraph-long readings in Arabic, then progressively longer Arabic passages, some with comprehension questions and then a long one at the end asking you to write a precis.<br />
<br />
This week I started working on the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Anthology-Literature-Culture-Thought-Pre-Islamic/dp/0300104936/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1296948271&sr=1-1">Anthology of Arabic Literature, Culture and Thought from Pre-Islamic Times to the Present</a>. What I really like about this book is it seems really comprehensive and it's not in chronological order. Instead of starting with the extra-difficult pre-Islamic poetry, it starts with some awesome modern poetry and then goes into modern novels. Later, it introduces older literature. I'm actually really enjoying the poetry. One of my friends suggested that I read more poetry to ease into reading more, but I complained that poetry is all figurative language and rhetorical devices, and thus difficult. However, despite being all figurative language and rhetorical devices, poems are short (mostly). So, that's really a lot more accessible. I'm really enjoying the poems of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nizar_Qabbani">Nizar Qabbani</a> and I ordered one of his collections of poetry.<br />
<br />
Here's one of his love poems, with my shitty translation of it.<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">تعري ... فمنذ زمان طويل<br />
على الارض لم تسقط المعجزات<br />
تعري ... تعري<br />
انا اخرس<br />
و جسمك يعرف كل اللغات</div><br />
Disrobe ... since it has been a long time<br />
Miracles did not fall to the ground<br />
Undress ... undress<br />
I am mute<br />
And your body knows every languageLilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-84660695857246709132011-02-03T20:59:00.000-08:002011-02-03T21:11:01.214-08:00In which technology is buggySince I've started biking around town (I've ridden 17 miles/27 kilometers this week!), I've been using a handy android (and other platforms) app called <a href="http://runkeeper.com/home">RunKeeper</a>. It's great--when it works right. I'd say it's been working for me between 50-65% of the time. The other times, it gives me hilarious results. For example, this happened when I was riding from my house to the University, about 2.5 miles.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8ceNpDg_yB8Gt5JmEdLiAX7dNuO2ssGFzejgHV34wmnhlu3PUuxyw6CHADDqEo3_oM37RA2RiGyHhklCT30ZJB7Mwewz-MI3cQ8ch4bLvUUaV9vQMuxGku1TkRACWCrvZJ_TXT1PEcgCO/s1600/cycling+hero.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8ceNpDg_yB8Gt5JmEdLiAX7dNuO2ssGFzejgHV34wmnhlu3PUuxyw6CHADDqEo3_oM37RA2RiGyHhklCT30ZJB7Mwewz-MI3cQ8ch4bLvUUaV9vQMuxGku1TkRACWCrvZJ_TXT1PEcgCO/s320/cycling+hero.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> What's truly hilarious about this to me, is not so much that I rode from Salinas to Palm Springs in under 20 minutes, but that I only used 117 calories doing so. I should find a way to market myself as a "green" energy source and get "energy star" certified. Damn.<br />
<br />
The good thing about this app is that when I get home, I can get on the website and edit it to show what I actually rode, which was rather less impressive, but still worthwhile.<br />
<br />
Unrelated to cycling, but I didn't want to make a new post for it. I was idling the OKCupid chat, then this happened.<br />
<i>Anonymous Asshole</i>: hi sexy<br />
<div class="im_from_me"><i>Me</i>: that's no way to start a conversation</div><div class="im_to_me"><i>Anonymous Asshole</i>: Uh yes it is. I said hi and think your sexy. Nothing wrong with that unless there is something seriously wrong with you </div><div class="im_from_me"><i>Me</i>: well, you better call a psychiatrist for me then because I think that's a bullshit way to start a conversation</div><div class="im_to_me"><i>Anonymous Asshole</i>: Dumbass </div><div class="im_to_me"><br />
</div><div class="im_to_me">And then I blocked him. Obviously, I'm the dumbass in that situation. I laughed and laughed. </div>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-38289604260236411342011-02-02T15:48:00.000-08:002011-02-02T15:49:08.869-08:00Brief thoughts on computersI dusted out my PC yesterday for the first time in about a year. I think I need a new rule to clean it on the equinoxes or something so that I remember to do it at least twice a year. It was really bad. Unsurprisingly, now it's running a lot cooler.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking that I want to be a better nerd and I want to learn how to build my own PC. Right now I sort of know about it, but I want to know about it specifically. So if anyone has some books or internets to recommend that are a good beginner's guide to hardware, I'd appreciate that. <br />
<br />
And since we're talking computers, I updated my linux to the new distro (kawaii koala or whatever the fuck kind of koala it is) and now my sound won't work at all. Super irritating. I tried a few fixes that I found on linux forums, but nothing work. I'm thinking that my sound card isn't supported, which is shitty. At least I have windows to fall back on, but it is still a disappointment. I'm thinking about learning some more about running linux, but I don't really know that I want to invest that much time in it.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-53407587194747165632011-01-28T10:46:00.000-08:002011-01-28T10:46:52.464-08:00A long rant on education classes and other thingsHaving just about finished my "education" classes for my teaching credential, I feel qualified to say that it is no wonder that education in this country is so fucked up.<br />
<br />
Of the five classes I took, I felt that two of the teachers we had were well qualified and motivated, one was middling, and one--who we had for two of the five classes--was just awful.What the hell? Are there not enough teachers out there who are motivated and skilled teachers who are willing to pass on their methods to the next generation of teachers, or did I just get extra unlucky? Of the good teachers, one ended class halfway early every time, which is great one the one hand (yay, going home early!), but on the other hand, we could have actually learned something from that guy, so that's fairly disappointing.<br />
<br />
We have had a number of textbooks, maybe one of which was really useful. The rest seem to create some pedagogical echo chamber reiterating the importance of vocabulary acquisition and the use of graphic organizers. As a whole, they had very little to do with my field: applied linguistics/language acquisition. The only good thing about having such mediocre texts is that it did inspire me to go off on my own and find things <a href="http://tenthousandflashcards.blogspot.com/2011/01/another-great-quotation-with-bonus.html">that I think are useful</a>. But you know, the majority of people don't think that way. Most people, when presented with this situation just say, "This is easier than I thought it was going to be!" and move on. And I get that attitude, I do. Everyone is busy, you have a job, some of the people in my class have kids. But if you're going to be there, spending the time and money to start a new career, don't you want to start it with as much knowledge as possible? Nothing is going to be as good as classroom experience, but don't you want to at least know what is happening in your field? I think that teachers have a personal responsibility to keep current with the research of their discipline, even if only a little bit. My master teacher was telling me that a lot of the teachers at her school with masters degrees have them from education programs. I'm assuming that's because it's so easy. I wonder if they are better teachers for it? I wonder if teachers who have a masters/Ph.D. in their field of teaching are better teachers than those with a masters in education? Granted, there are a lot of people who are highly educated and terrible instructors (just look at any college campus), but I'd be interested to know if there are any statistics on that.<br />
<br />
I was talking about this with my dad and it was his view that having high standards is great because it makes you want to be good at things, but shitty because it mostly just makes you go insane since you can't do much about it. He also gave me a few "that's just how the world works," which is extremely depressing. People have low/zero motivation--even about the things that they are most interested in--and there is nothing you can do about it so just roll with it and pick your battles. That was his message. I told him that this message was "the most depressing thing ever," but he just came back with "that's reality." I'm far from an optimist, but damn. I haven't even started yet and he's already telling me that no one can accomplish anything. Apparently, the only way to get things done is to be in it for the long game. My dad also told me that when he was working as an electrician 25 years ago at the same hospital he is now the facilities manager of, he would see things that need fixing and his boss would just tell him no, that it was someone else's problem. Now, he is the boss and he says he is fixing some of the things that were problems 25 years ago. Holy shit! Conclusion: my dad's version of reality is pretty sad.<br />
<br />
Since classes have been so understimulating, I feel like I've been way more of an obnoxious asshole than I typically am. It's expensive and I have to sit there for long classes and we have basically nothing to do, so I mostly heckle the professor. That's something I kind of hate about myself, but I think goes back to the high expectations. I have high expectations for myself and the people around me. I expect to learn something from going to classes designed to make me into an educator. I expect to do something other than <a href="http://olc.spsd.sk.ca/de/pd/instr/strats/jigsaw/">jigsaws</a> every day. And honestly, I expect to have to do work once in a while. And not bullshit work that is just because someone said that we should all do it, but work that actually teaches me something. Here are some examples of total bullshit work.<br />
<br />
<ol><li>TPAs. I totally forget what this stands for, but we have to do four of them throughout the credential program. They are long, repetitive case-study assignments wherein one must select teaching strategies for hypothetical students and justify their use. It's completely pointless. It takes me around six hours to do, so I know it's taking other people even longer than that. You know what would actually be useful instead? Selecting teaching strategies, perhaps writing a brief justification for their use, actually using them in the classroom, and then thinking about how it went and what one could do better or differently next time. Bam, done! I just made the education world better.</li>
<li>This fucking presentation that we have to do for class next week. We have group presentation, the content of which is so prescribed, it reads like an assignment for fifth graders. The syllabus lays out the assignment stating how many slides to do of each topic and provides links for where to find this information. Everyone in the class has already read these and submitted the compulsory notes on the topics. Now, every group is going to give the same presentation. In a graduate level class? Are you fucking kidding me? I told my professor that I would be going "off book" in my presentation regarding the topics of content area literacy and language acquisition. Why? Because I have something more useful to add. My professor keeps chiding me for not making the material relevant to my teaching practice, but at least he's been cool when I say "I think this is stupid and I'm going to do something I find useful." </li>
</ol><div>I am just so sick of laziness and mediocrity. Laziness is the new normal. My classmates keep calling me an overachiever, but I've mostly been retorting to that with "I just achieved ahead of the deadline," but you know, I'd rather be an overachiever if regular achieving doesn't do anything. It makes me think of the conversations I have with people when I say that I am a language person and I speak a few languages. People always say "oh, you must just have a natural (or god-given, if they're really trying to irritate me) talent for languages!" And I say, "No, I am good at languages because I have made the effort and spent a huge amount of time on it. Anyone who spent as much time as I did on this would be at least pretty decent as well," but no one wants to hear that because it is easier to believe that some people are just good at things. People, you are good at the things that you make an effort in! So make an effort once in a while! Ultimately, I think that's what our teaching system is lacking: effort.</div>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-78837735139076978192011-01-21T16:30:00.000-08:002011-01-21T16:30:58.160-08:00The Conversation That Makes Me CrazyAt my house, my "office" has the misfortune of being in a big open room, in which my desk and bookcases occupy a corner. I would like it to be treated like a private room, since there is nothing else of interest in here--no TV or anything--, just a bunch of chairs that the cats sleep on. This room does, however, have a few large windows that face the street. And my grandpa likes to join the cats in their favorite hobby: sitting on chairs and staring out the window. That, in and of itself, does not bother me.<br />
<br />
Anytime I'm listening to music, watching a show, or have sound emanating from my computer for any reason and that sound stops (whether because it ends or I stop it), if my grandpa is in the room, the conversation will go something like this.<br />
<br />
<i>Grandpa</i>: You didn't turn that off on my account, did you?<br />
<i>Me</i>: No, it just ended/I paused it/I am now reading/I got sick of listening to crappy trance music, etc<br />
<i>Grandpa</i>: Because if you did, you didn't have to.<br />
<i>Me</i>: I didn't, I just was done listening.<br />
<i>Grandpa</i>: I wouldn't want you to turn it off just because of me, in fact I like it.<br />
<i>Me</i>: I didn't turn it off because of you, I'm just done with it.<br />
<i>Grandpa</i>: I don't want to bother you, so you just keep listening and don't let me stop you.<br />
<i>Me</i>: You didn't stop me, it was just over.<br />
<br />
At this point, I might turn something on just to be done with this conversation. It's actually gotten to the point where if the show I'm watching is ending, I will queue up something else if he's in here just to avoid yet another iteration of this discussion. I probably have this conversation once or twice a week. It's not because he doesn't remember having it, he's just so intent on not bothering me, that he ends up bothering the fuck out of me.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-35002674090876916952011-01-16T12:28:00.000-08:002011-01-16T12:33:32.921-08:00My new hobbyWho knew coloring was so relaxing? This shit is downright therapeutic.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcRXnuzx-ithrlkLW38bROPDegwT7SAe11bhsIydhTqYAgLL24LGWldQ2-H1uTnNm04oYJwgzE3DcQkJe-eup-4sj9ab2cgeIWIIQQ1q7MbkF07cB2oUK9trirRWpDbRGDq92kq6QbH8k6/s1600/IMGP1672.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 268px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcRXnuzx-ithrlkLW38bROPDegwT7SAe11bhsIydhTqYAgLL24LGWldQ2-H1uTnNm04oYJwgzE3DcQkJe-eup-4sj9ab2cgeIWIIQQ1q7MbkF07cB2oUK9trirRWpDbRGDq92kq6QbH8k6/s400/IMGP1672.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5562883854654154818" border="0" /></a>This is from my <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mexican-Folk-Coloring-Dover-Books/dp/0486427501/ref=pd_ys_iyr_img">Mexican Folk Art</a> coloring book and I did this over the course of watching about eight episodes of Warehouse 13. Not sure if it's going to help with anxiety in the long term, but it's definitely helping right now.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-13444278164937919262011-01-15T20:43:00.001-08:002011-01-15T22:03:42.264-08:00In which fitness is discussedUnfortunately, this is a post about exercise and fitness that I'm writing in January. I expect that gives the impression of relating it to New Year's Resolutions and the mass fixation on swearing to lose weight in time for summer. That said, this isn't a post about New Year's or weight loss. It's a post about exercise and fitness and it just happens that I've been getting interested in that over the last few months. Anyway:<br /><br />I'm not totally sure how to introduce this topic. I think my recent interest in having a certain degree of exercise competence is because I want to be the badass that I imagine I have the potential to be. I want to be able to nonchalantly do handstands (much the way I bunnyhop on a unicycle, I suppose) and that sort of thing. I also like the idea of being strong, I guess there's a sort of prestige in that and also it's not a "feminine" thing to be strong, so I guess I like that aspect of it. But I also really like the flexibility aspect. I keep thinking I am going to ask some of the contortionists I know what sort of stretches they do (I keep forgetting/not seeing them) because I think contortion is awesome. I like the idea of exploring the flexibility limits of the human body. Sort of related to that, last month I decided to start going to yoga.<br /><br />I've been doing yoga for about a month now; I only go a couple times a week because that is all the time I have. I had no idea it was so push-up intensive. Probably not all yoga is but this style,<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEDlkBi8uwI">Vinyasa</a>, seems to be. This shit is hard. I do pretty okay at some stuff because I'm more flexible than the average bear (not more flexible than the average yogi though), but I am not really strong. A lot of the poses require a ton of arm strength and I just don't have it. Crow pose, for example, is totally fucking ridiculous.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.karmakidsyoga.com/images/Shari-Crow.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 351px; height: 265px;" src="http://www.karmakidsyoga.com/images/Shari-Crow.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Additionally, I find myself wanting to lose some weight just so I can be more flexible at yoga. There are a number of stretches that I know I could reach farther on, but fat is in the way. That's kind of awkward to share with the inernet, but whatever, there it is. The problem with that is I am just not willing to go out of my way to lose weight. As the douchebag doctor I saw the other day told me, "You will not lose weight from exercise." That's too bad, since that's they way I'm most amenable to it. Ugh, discussion of that is for another time.<br /><br />I've also had my interest piqued by a few other little things. The <a href="http://hundredpushups.com/index.html">100 push-ups challenge</a> (or whatever it is) seems cool. Essentially, it eases you into being great at push-ups with the goal of doing 100 after six weeks. Doing 100 pushups sounds like something impossible, which is kind of why I want to try it, I suppose. I also appreciate that it takes zero equipment and only takes a few minutes a day. Related to that, I keep hearing about people having success with the <a href="http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml">Couch to 5k</a> program. I hate running, but I like the idea of being able to run if I had to (what if I was at the zoo and a bear escaped and started chasing me? I feel the need to be ready for anything). I doubt I am going to do this in the immediate future, but I am keeping it in mind for when I am ready to drink the running kool-aid.<br /><br />Finally, I bought a bike about two weeks ago, with the intent of commuting around town on it. This one is definitely more of a practical consideration than anything. I am hoping that I'll be student teaching at the high school that's about 2 miles from my house so I can bike and save some money. That's some serious savings since gas is at $3.30 right now. It will have the added bonus of giving me thighs of steel, since it doesn't have gears. I sacrificed gears for cool-lookingness: I bought a used beach cruiser with fenders. Also, my bike has this sweet basket on the front that you can just lift off and use as a shopping basket. I can't wait to bike more. The only sad part is that I wanted to just start biking everywhere immediately, but I am not that fit, so I'm trying to slowly ease into it, which is way less fun.<br /><br />I feel like this is the yeah when all my shit is going to come together and I'd like being awesome at exercise is a bit of a part of that. I don't really care if I lose weight doing it, but just to be like "hey, I can do 100 push-ups" and not be being a sarcastic asshole as I say it has a certain appeal.Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-81417425006560505002011-01-14T13:00:00.000-08:002011-01-14T13:08:03.235-08:00This one goes out to<p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span">Today’s blog is by special request. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span"><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span">As many of you know, when I first cut my hair short, I shaved it down to about an inch. It definitely wasn’t stylish, but I was pretty satisfied with it anyway. I’ve since grown it out into a much more acceptably femme sort of style. It’s still really short, but it’s cuter. That is the context for this recent quotation from my dad, “I like your hair a lot better right now. When you first cut it, it looked like you had just gotten out of a camp.”</span></p><p class="MsoNormal">In further anecdotes about the state of my hair: I see the same stylist as my mom and my grandma. It's probably about as dumb an idea as seeing the same therapist as family members, but we do it anyway; she always makes my hair look good. When I saw her to get my hair done this week, she told me that both my mom and my grandma had been asking her when I was going to grow it out. I told her "not in the foreseeable future. And you can let them know that, too." Long hair is such an inconvenience. Plus, it is way less awesome.</p> <span style="font-size: 12pt; "><span class="Apple-style-span">My family is a little bit special sometimes. </span></span>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-20073578840810159942011-01-12T11:22:00.000-08:002011-01-12T11:39:32.363-08:00Another great quotation with bonus analysis<div>From <i>The Art of Teaching Spanish: Second Language Acquisition from Research to Praxis</i> edited by Rafeal Salaberry and Barbara A. Lafford:</div><div><br /></div><div><i>In an interesting small-scale study, Seliger (1979) investigated the relationship between grammatical rules of thumb and performance and found no connection between the two. Learners knew the correct rules but still could not apply them, while others, including natives, did not know the correct rules but still could produce the correct forms.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div>This makes sense to me. Explicit knowledge of a "rule" does not mean that you'll remember how to produce it, especially in spontaneous speech. It is hard to apply abstract knowledge like that, especially if the L2 input is lacking in examples. Here's an example of a "rule of thumb" I <a href="http://faculty.weber.edu/tmathews/grammar/marks.html">found</a> for Spanish regarding where to put the stress accent:</div><div><ul><li>If a word ends in a vowell, 'n' or 's' the stress is usually on the next to last syllable.</li><li>If the word ends in a consonant other than 'n' or 's' the stress is usually on the last syllable.</li><li>If the stress on a word doesn't follow the first two rules, then the syllable that is stressed needs a written accent mark on the vowel.</li></ul><div>That makes...enough sense I guess, but it is really abstract. Especially if students are doing something like reading outloud, it is totally useless for them to stop and say "what does this word end in? where is the stress." Whereas, someone like a native speaker with a lifetime of comprehensible input knows where the stress goes because she or he is used to hearing the word correctly. I'm sure native speakers would not know this rule. I am only passingly familiar with it and I'm a non-native speaker so, you know, it's not a popular one. And, it's really hard to remember. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>So, if "rules of thumb" are stupid, what is the alternative? According to the article the first quotation came from, the answer is to link it to content. That seems like a good answer. Say students learned a few nursery rhymes or proverbs early on in their language education. Then they could have something memorized with the applied rule that they could refer back to. Proverbs also have the added bonus of making learners culturally competent. </div><div><br /></div><div>Finally, this is, in my view, a really important concept to keep in mind when teaching language. I remember learning a lot of rules like this throughout language classes, I am pretty sure they did not make me better at the language. You know what made me better at Spanish? Reading a lot of books and watching even more television.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3170555624156044338.post-68026493957043281882011-01-05T13:41:00.000-08:002011-01-05T13:47:13.145-08:00A QuotationThis is an awesome quotation from "The Rise and Fall of Languages" by R.M.W. Dixon<div><br /></div><div><i>There is one major myth in modern linguistics which is responsible more than anything else for the discipline losing contact with its subject matter, the study of languages. It goes as follows. There are essentially two types of linguist. The descriptivists, who do field work and write grammars. And the 'theoreticians' (i.e. the formalists, people working on non-basic theories) who do not gather data themselves but rather interpret it, from the point of view of their chosen formalism. The myth is that the work done by the 'theoreticians' is more difficult, more important, more intellectual, altogether on a higher plane than the basic work undertaken by the descriptivists.</i></div><div><i><br /></i></div><div><i>This is </i>wrong<i>, from every angle. First of all, every person who describes a languages is also a theoretician; they have to be, to make any analytic deductions. Every point in a grammatical description is a theoretical statement, and must be justified by appropriate argumentation.</i></div>Lilly de Nalishhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08135090505128267626noreply@blogger.com0